Day 3 - this was the image I was going to make before the world split open and turned life upside down. As I sat flying through the air not knowing what the outcome was going to be I stared out the window of the plane with so much going through my head. The great result that Charley was ok was a huge relief. It wasn't until we got back home that the reality of all we had been through and what could have been a nightmare and horrible conclusion hit me. This moment occured when I opened the fridge door and saw all the food I had bought 60 hours earlier - it felt a lifetime ago. I crumpled to the floor and had a good cry...
This image is not what I had originally planned before the phone call that began the crazy. It now symbolizes so much for me - it may be only in sketch form right now but it is definitely a start, and a whole different take on what I had had in mind as an ending.... Endings have always held potential and hope - it was a huge shift to contemplate an ending for my child that could of affected his whole future. I felt totally out of control, falling through space, unable to do anything - including being by his side to hug and console him. Life can change in an instant... hold those you love and believe in the good... Thank you dear friends and family who have rallied and supported us this past week.
So day two's challenge was to show emotion with no face visible. I did make this on day 2... however by the time I was going to post it the world for us had gone off kilter - see post below... So I am now about a week behind on the challenge. Have no fear I am going to finish!! Just a time delay... anticipation delay?!!
Before I knew what the rest of the day would bring in terms of emotion I was thinking of my kids, how fast they have grown and how fast they have spread their wings. I rejoice for them, I am so proud of them, I even envy them for being at the start of their great life adventures and brimming with self confidence to launch forth into the world.
This picture has nothing to do with them!! This picture is for me. To remind me just how bad it feels to let another control your emotion, your feelings. To never let someone else's words - careless remarks make such a wound on me. This picture is to remind me to hold strong, have faith in myself. To take control and make positive changes. To break the pattern, to remember why its always important to move forward to grow, stretch and push myself to be more. To not shut out the world and people from my heart - but to look within and be kind to myself and figure out why I hurt, what in me do I need to patch back together.
So I had set such good intentions for August and then life stepped in and threw out a huge curve ball.
Our youngest son is down in New Zealand ski training and last week we got the call every parent dreads. He had a bad fall and landed on his head and was being heli-vac'd to Dunedin. This is a long way from Polson and Missoula, Montana. Add a 19 hour time change and busy doctors it turned everything upside down. The inability to talk to a doctor was the hardest part. Our other son fortunately was traveling and going to Dunedin that day. His plans were also put on their head as he ended up in the hospital trying to get his brother to recognize him and deal with the insanity of the situation rather than reconnecting with friends he had not seen for 4 years. We finally talked to a doctor at about 3am our time Thursday/Friday night. Who said if this were their child they would already be in the airport. So began 60 hours of travel that basically bought us full circle.
The best news was once we reached Vancouver BC we got a message and picture of Charley - on his feet and Discharged.... Still very unclear of the details of the incident and post care but relieved is the understatement. So we are back home and recovering. I came back to the lake where we had many friends visiting - they were all here having fun and looking out for us. So we are now rested and back on track.
The challenge will recommence!! New playful images coming soon. Here is one that I took the other day on our return when I sat and watched the sun rise and wondered at all that had passed in just 60 hours and how an instant - a split second can turn your life inside out, upside down. However, the world and days keep turning - blessed and so thankful for the friends and family who stepped up to help us, here and in New Zealand. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It all means so much more than I can ever say in words - I love you all - and you know who you are xox. Relationships are the bridge to life being full and rich - so grateful for you all and this magical place we all live.
So following from my last post - I am in a period of wanting to stretch and grow. My good friend Brooke Shaden who is an incredibly talented conceptual artist, completed a 31 day challenge in July to create something new every day. Something that pushed her creativity. She has now challenged her community to follow up and do 15 days of personal challenge.
So I signed up and am in. The posts will be a day behind the challenge, to give me time to reflect and decide what to share. Yesterday's theme was rebirth - what a great one for me right now! So we also had to create in a confined indoor space. A black box of a room is not the place I would like to go back to... I am looking to grow, stretch and learn. Challenging myself creatively and within my photoshop skills.
The month is pushing me to get off my duff and explore some things that I think of often, symbolism, myths, spirituality. In my wanderings on the internet I found the amazing work of this woman, and her illustrator totems.
. I hope she will excuse my borrowing the totem, its super low res, but go check her work out and classes she is super talented and a new momma!!
So here is the piece inspired by the theme rebirth.
So this summer has been strange - we have a lot of change in our lives. Both our boys are out of the country currently both in New Zealand - their other home, and mine. They are both more or less onto living their dreams and lives. I don't see them being full time at home for a while now, if ever again. This has been a struggle to adjust to. In some ways its been great to have so much freedom - but at the same time so disorientating and sad that the years suddenly seem to have gone so fast. And to be honest I just downright miss them.
We have decided to downsize our lives - the house in Missoula is for sale and we will see what unfolds. Our dreams are many but then we have reality. So all in all this has led to a summer of soul searching and introspection. I have been thinking, reading and setting my eyes on the future. I have applied and I am thrilled to say been accepted into Maine Media College to begin my MFA in November. I am excited to have a three year conversation with myself and my art. I look forward to being challenged, pushed, learning, failing, trying harder and growing in both my art and personal journey. I will still take a limited number of client sessions but I am more and more drawn to introspection and fine art pieces, with depth and meaning right now. I love clients who get that and we do that in their sessions! Watch for Ryan's senior pictures.
These two images I tried to create last night - total failure.... not helped by the next house over having a dock full of people wondering what the hell I was up to... So i got up at dawn and tried again - with better luck. Inspired and thankful for my friend Brooke Shaden and her unique perspective on the world and her gift of sharing it with us all. I have been thinking and finding deep soul peace this summer and tried to depict this here. I am signed up for Brooke's new 15 day challenge
which starts August 1. Go check it out and join the creative journey!
For now I leave you with my two images from the most beautiful peaceful sunrise, on the calm still waters of Flathead lake. Happy Birthday Steph - your day began gorgeous just like you!